confuzzling chondrichthyes

So last night I had a dream that I saw a psychiatrist and she called me an alcoholic. I said but I don't drink that much. She said that just proved her point. Then she puts me on a whole slew of meds, one of which has the side effect of chemically altering my tear ducts such that it produced a chemical irresistible to bull sharks so I wasn't allowed to swim in the ocean........I'm sure there is a meaning in all that subconscious symbolism but I don't want to go there.

usually the sharks in my dreams are hammerheads or great whites. this would be the first bull shark. Bull sharks are the only sharks that can swim up rivers and survive for extended periods in fresh water. So I guess I should stay out of all water with my shark attracting tear ducts.

I didn't get much sleep last night because of my shoulders. I also forgot to do my prelab for today until 1:30 last night. But on the brightside NO MORE ORGO LABS EVER! Just biochem next term =/

ANTS!

Kind of terrifying but awesome and beautiful none the less.
Considering each individual only has 260,000 neurons compared to our approximately 100 billion thats pretty fucking impressive.
Things like this always leave me in awe of how amazing the world really is if we take the time to look and respect the value of other life forms.


Went to my ring class again tonight. I finished my big "3heart3" ring, its going to be made out of silver. I was going to do a small ring in gold with my gold tattoo symbol on it but the smallest ring I could make was going to cost over 200 dollars so I decided to wait until I was better at jewelry making. I had plans of being all productive tonight but I went to pub trivia with steph instead.

on the subject of segmented creatures, I had a dream that I had tapeworm/lice like things living under the skin of my scalp. reeaaaaaaally gross. I pulled one out and it snapped in two and went back into my skull. eww

snowy sunday

from fmylife.com
"Today my lesbian sister enthusiastically showed me her new strap on. Not only does she get more girls than me, she now has a bigger penis too. FML"

that gave me a good chuckle.

I think it is time for more steroid injections in my back. Its getting hard to sleep again. Bizarrely when I don't sleep well I get really bad cramps in my calves from being tense and they hurt more than my back. wtf legs

Went to a party at Carl's house. Twas quite fun. I got to play with his puppy and three cats. We had a "heat wave BBQ" but Carl had to use the snow blower to even get to the barbecue. It was snowing very hard so we had to leave early to make sure we got back to campus. It took us over an hour.

We will get to the bbq damn it!
Carl's crazy ass hair
Praying at the pews in Carl's breakfast nook. I helped refinish them last spring.
Making salad/drinking with Courtney, Jen, and Katie. We were the first to show up even though we were an hour late.
Carl reading "poetry"

kidnapped!

steph got mad i was being lame and came and threw me out of bed. i cut my knee on a keychain on the floor. i tried to tell her lame was the new cool but she didn't agree. she dragged me downstairs in my pjs but i snuck away and locked my door this time. so shneaky

Zoe keating

From my pjs and make up, checking out my poster i finally got a frame for. its signed in the bottom left. cool huh?

most delicious cookie ever!

taken from the this is why you're fat blog
i want to do this. maybe when I'm not sick anymore. that would definitely make me puke. but it looks delicious. and its vegan, good for the bunnies and such =)

brody's birthday!!

I am such a bad mom. This is the second year I have not been around for brody's birthday. Thats 2 for 2!
At least the doggy daycare posted a video of her for me
she has grown so much
she was so little! I miss that. I miss char too. Distance is hard but I know its for the best right now.

ugh

I woke up feeling very sick this morning. Like tummy ache and dizzy sick. I didn't go to my afternoon classes. I am going to my Ring Casting class tonight though. I'm really excited. I'll post pictures of the ring when I am done. I have spent most of the afternoon in bed watching SVU. Kate Moening was in one episode as a trans-man. She always gets those rolls. She is still hot though. Looks better with the shorter Shane hair though.
lol cats make me feel better though.
nom pop nom pop nom
I want a kitty!

wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

just bought myself a wii and wii fit on ebay
It was a couple weeks worth of pay but it was cheaper on ebay than it would be to buy it anywhere else i've looked
i'm excited!

I also got a free can of corn! Two random cans of corn were given as donations for disco....we didn't ask for can food, someone just brought them.

Valentines day

booo worst holiday ever.
Brody is my valentine this year.

can't sleep

I just watched a really disturbing SVU and its keeping me from sleeping. A woman accuses her ex husband of raping her. When he gets out on bail he lights her on fire with gasoline. The detectives visit her in the hospital and she says she got him good but still says he raped her. She ends up suffering horribly and dying of her injuries. It turns out that she made up the rape just to get back at him for the divorce. Elliot ends up agreeing with his wife's request for a divorce because he says "I don't want her to ever regret me like that."
I can't get that out of my head. Both the screaming, burnt woman and elliot's line. I don't want to be a regret. I know I've made mistakes, but I don't want to be regretted. I don't regret the time i spent with char. I hope she doesn't regret the time she spent with me.

lolanimals make me happy

I really really want a kitty. But I will have to wait until I move someplace for vet school which won't be for a while. =(

Winter Carnival?

So its supposed to be winter carnival this weekend but it was 47 degrees today and 49 yesterday. It was so hot, in fact, that the 30 ft tall snow replica of Moosilauke lodge for the 100th anniversary of the DOC became structurally unsound and had to be torn down after 3 weeks of work. They turned it into a "mountain" with a snow slide "river" meaning they just made a huge 3 week pile of snow. nice.
It was raining today, which is bizarre in Februray. The whole green is a mud pit. And there are huge slabs of ice falling off every building. One of the cars in the tabard parking lot almost got its windsheild smashed. Dangerous times.

Emo mood i guess

Hawthorne Heights Silver Bullet

Tonight, we fly away so high.
Our first full moon sky.

I'll breathe you in,
I won't let you down,

I won't hold you back,

I won't make a sound.

I know what scares you the most.

Being Alone,
Just like them,
Being Alive,
Feeling so... DEAD.

At least you'll have my... HEART.
You know you shine so bright.

Got a single Silver Bullet
Shot right through my heart.
To prove I can survive,
Without you.
Got a single Silver Bullet,
Shot right through my heart.
To prove I can survive,
Without you.

Can you sleep at night,
If I hold you tight.
I won't let you go,
This feels so right.

Please don't leave this... TIME.

At least you'll have my... HEART.
You know you shine so bright.

Got a single Silver Bullet
Shot right through my heart.
To prove I can survive,
Without you.
Got a single Silver Bullet,
Shot right through my heart.
To prove I can survive,
Without you.

Tonight, we fly away so high,
Tonight, We fly away.
You know the moon is full and,
I can't live without you.

Tonight we'll fly away
(Got a single silver bullet, shot right through my heart)
Tonight we'll fly, tonight...

Got a single Silver Bullet
Shot right through my heart.
To prove I can survive,
Without you.
Got a single Silver Bullet,
Shot right through my heart.
To prove I can survive.

Got a single Silver Bullet
(Tonight we'll fly away so high)
Shot right through my heart.
(Our first full moon sky)
To prove I can survive,
Without you.

Got a single Silver Bullet,
(Tonight we'll fly away so high)
Shot right through my heart.
(Our first full moon sky.)
To prove I can survive,
Without you.

Walter!

So Tracy watched Walter, my rubber tree, over break. When I came back to campus I had to carry Walter back across campus in a cardboard box. In the five minute walk back to my room all of Walter's top leaves froze! They all shriveled up and turned black and fell off. I was very sad. But Walter is sprouting new leaves again! I'm such a proud mama/ this is what happens when I don't have a dog.

Old Snowy Pictures

I finally uploaded my pictures from after the snow storm 2 weeks ago
On the green.
Walled sidewalks
A snowy Tabard.
At least its pretty when the sky is blue!
Yesterday was the first day all year when it has been above freezing for 24 hours. Very exciting times. I can't wait until spring.

dios mio

so much chemistry. Its absurd. There are just so many reaction mechanisms in these three chapters! Over 40..I know maybe 10 of them well, I can guess on another 20, probably another 10 I have no idea about. The question is do I try and pull an all nighter or sleep and try and study more tomorrow?

on a positive note, I finally got the balls to email sharkums and it was good =) I think I said what I needed to say and it wasn't taken in the wrong way. I know I've got a long way to go but at least I feel like I am moving in the right direction and moving towards being what I want to be. Maybe I'll make it home some day.


"Fish are friends, not food"

Don't Divorce Us, Love Will Prevail

"Fidelity": Don't Divorce... from Courage Campaign on Vimeo.

this video made me cry

story of my life right now

yay the amanda palmer videos are back on youtube!!!

maybe i should shave my eyebrows. its a hot look

hookah!

I finally got Meli's abandoned hookah to work =)

Friday

Its been a crazy week. I worked 23 hours in the theater this week which is over double of what I normally do but at least I am making money. The set for Grapes of Wrath is completely insane. I am currently building the running river and swimming pool. I will take some pictures the next time I am in there.

I FINALLY GOT AN ANSWER TO MY BACK PAIN!!! I am so excited. Almost as excited as when I found out I had a hernia. It turns out that the knots in my back aren't actually muscle spasms, they are lumps of scar tissue from my muscle spasms in the fall. That is why my muscle relaxants didn't do jack shit for the pain. But the doctor started me on trigger point injections of lidocain and cortisone directly into the scar tissue to help break it up and get rid of the pain and I can do them every two weeks. Unfortunately I will still have to go do PT at the hospital to try and fix my shoulder mechanics. The injections will hopefully take away some of the pain in the next couple days so I might actually get a good nights sleep for the first time this year. All very exciting news.

I will be spending the rest of the weekend studying for my orgo test on monday so I will probably not have any fun weekend stories. Ah well. I need more study music. I really like the STS9 but it usually makes me more sad and distracted than focused and studious.

still trying to figure out if i should try and talk to sharkums....

Photograph ~ Andrea Gibson

I wish I was a photograph
tucked into the corners of your wallet
I wish I was a photograph
you carried like a future in your back pocket
I wish I was that face you show to strangers
when they ask you where you come from
I wish I was that someone that you come from
every time you get there
and when you get there
I wish I was that someone who got phone calls
and postcards saying
wish you were here
I wish you were here
autumn is the hardest season
the leaves are all falling
and they're falling like they're falling in love with the ground
and the trees are naked and lonely
I keep trying to tell them
new leaves will come around in the spring
but you can't tell trees those things
they're like me they just stand there
and don't listen
I wish you were here
I've been missing you like crazy
I've been hazy eyed
staring at the bottom of my glass again
thinking of that time when it was so full
it was like we were tapping the moon for moonshine
or sticking straws into the center of the sun
and sipping like icarus would forever kiss
the bullets from our guns
I never meant to fire you know
I know you never meant to fire lover
I know we never meant to hurt each other
now the sky clicks from black to blue
and dusk looks like a bruise
I've been wrapping one night stands
around my body like wedding bands
but none of them fit in the morning
they just slip off my fingers and slip out the door
and all that lingers is the scent of you
I once swore if I threw that scent into a wishing well
all the wishes in the world would come true
do you remember
do you remember the night I told you
I've never seen anything more perfect than
than snow falling in the glow of a street light
electricity bowing to nature
mind bowing to heartbeat
this is gonna hurt bowing to I love you
I still love you like moons love the planets they circle around
like children love recess bells
I still hear the sound of you
and think of playgrounds
where outcasts who stutter
beneath braces and bruises and acne
are finally learning that their rich handsome bullies
are never gonna grow up to be happy
I think of happy when I think of you
so wherever you are I hope you're happy
I really do
I hope the stars are kissing your cheeks tonight
I hope you finally found a way to quit smoking
I hope your lungs are open and breathing your life
I hope there's a kite in your hand
that's flying all the way up to orion
and you still got a thousand yards of string to let out
I hope you're smiling
like god is pulling at the corners of your mouth
cause I might be naked and lonely
shaking branches for bones
but I'm still time zones away
from who I was the day before we met
you were the first mile
where my heart broke a sweat
and I wish you were here
I wish you'd never left
but mostly I wish you well
I wish you my very very best

haircut and bored

Last night was ridiculous, I ended up running around the entire house and hid in a shower and under steph's desk before iggy and steph found me and put me in bed. Yay for the first pong game of senior year. At least I wasn't hungover this time.
I got my hair cut today. Don't I look sharp?
I was bored with photo booth


yes thats a whippet charger in my ear and that is nefarious nick in the background
I miss the boys =(
I just burnt my tongue on ramen noodle.

The ortho doc finally got back to me on my MRI and says I only have shoulder tendonitis. Tracy and I think that is complete bullshit because I have had tendonitis for the last four years. I am going to try and get in to see another doctor to try and figure it out.
cross your fingers for another hernia...in my back?

It was Rylee's birthday today, there are pictures of it on the doggie daycare blog
There is also a video of brody in the snow.......i miss my dog!

was there with sharks

pong, drunk again

blah

I'm irritated. I don't like loud people. I don't like people in my space. I don't like it when people fuck up simple jobs. At least I don't have to move next term. I wish the doctor would get back to me so I could find out about my MRI. I am sick of having to drug myself to sleep because I hurt too much. My therapist wants to put me on ambien but that kind of freaks me out and I don't want to....I wish I was ok to just sleep on my own.
I don't like it when people think they know whats best for other people.

I am sick of only having "i don't know" for an answer. I don't like not knowing or being able to explain what I want, or where I want to go, what I want to do...
I miss her a lot. I miss having her in my life. I think about her all the time. But she deserves better than "i miss you"'s followed by "i don't know"s